“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” (Frederick Douglass)
As I was helping primary students line-up following an assembly at Mariposa Academy Charter School, a little hand touched my belt. A shy first-grader with sparkling eyes looked up at me and said, “Mr. W., I am the line leader, and the kids are supposed to line up behind me. “At that moment in time I was in a hurry, but something inside of me told me that I needed to step- back and let this young child complete her teacher assigned task. My haste to get things done had to give way to the duty of parents and teachers to help children fulfill their responsibilities. In this article, I will discuss some parenting ideas and strategies that can prepare young children to become responsible adults.
The Responsibility Mindset
“You cannot have responsible children unless
you give children responsibilities”
Stephen Glenn and Jane Nelsen (2000) do an excellent job pointing out that the shift in American society from a rural agricultural society prior to World War II to an urban industrial society has had a huge impact on families. Children on farms had to wake-up with the sun in order to feed animals, and they often took time off from school to help with the harvest. These children had no choice but to be responsible for their family chores. This same level of family responsibility is certainly not the norm today. One can easily say that nowadays few children have meaningful responsibilities in their home, and these children are denied the opportunity to see themselves as members of a “team” bigger than themselves. It does not have to be this way!
Parents who want their children to be responsible must pay attention to the simple but intuitive statement that childhood responsibilities create responsible adults – it cannot get much simpler than that! This means assigning chores, including children as a part of the “family team” and expecting results. This process leads to two very important outcomes: 1) household tasks are shared and 2) children are guided to become responsible adults. The best way I can amplify this last statement is to provide a memorable story from my days as a principal:
I remember a single female parent who had a sixth grade and a second-grade student in our school. It is fair to say these children were pretty spoiled because the mother did everything for her children. One day the mother had an accident and broke her leg. Guess who had to do the cooking, dishwashing, and clothes? Her daughter and son were quite capable of doing these chores with coaching from their mother on the couch. The accident caused the mother to learn about the capabilities of her kids, and she reported to me how impressed she was with their new sense of responsibility for themselves and the family. The benefit went two ways- the sixth-grader seemed to handle her school responsibilities much better during her mother’s rehabilitation.
Certainly, a parent should not have to break a leg to recognize the need to assign his/her children meaningful family tasks. The assignment of chores in a household is a process that helps children to become responsible adults. It is also a task that must be approached carefully. The chores a parent assigns to a child must be meaningful and within the child’s developmental capabilities. You would not ask a three-year-old to do the dishes any more than you would ask his five-year-old brother to go to the store to buy butter. Maybe, the three-year-old can wash the spoons with some coaching from his father.
When a parent assigns a chore or task to a child, it is important that the parent spend some time coaching the child on how to do the task well. Honestly, I believe this step in the process stops many parents from assigning tasks to their children because it is often easier to complete the task themselves than to train their child to do it. It must be pointed out, however, that the long-term rewards for a child who has successfully completed the task(s) assigned are too important to pass upon. The three-year-old who has learned to wash the spoons sees himself as an important contributing member of the family who takes his responsibilities seriously. I have no doubt that this sense of responsibility will transfer to other aspects of the child’s life.
Critics of this article may argue that there is more to raising responsible children than just properly assigning chores. I believe this argument has a lot of merits. In my next article, I will attempt to delve deeper into the concept of raising responsible children with a focus upon teenagers.
Call for Action
It is not uncommon to hear parents say, “I want my children to have it better than I did.” Unfortunately, this mindset can lead parents to reduce the number of responsibilities their children have in the household and limit the opportunities for these children to learn how to be responsible adults The central idea of this article is the belief that children need meaningful household chores and tasks in order to develop a sense of responsibility in their lives. It is recommended that parents consider committing to the following actions:
1. Take a moment to think about and determine the household responsibilities that your children could complete successfully with proper coaching
2. Be careful to assign tasks that are reasonable, within a child’s capabilities, and realistic for the child given the full picture of the child’s day
3. Make sure to teach each task, maintain high expectations for its completion, and be vigilant about enforcing completion.
4. Be willing to have periodic family meetings to discuss the household chore assignments
5. Make sure to model responsible behavior when it comes to the household chores you have reserved for yourself.
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