What is the goal parents and teachers have in mind when they discipline a child? Some would say the goal should be to maintain order in the classroom or home, but others would say it is to teach the child a lesson. In most cases both answers are correct, but in this paper, the process of teaching a child a lesson during a disciplinary interaction will be emphasized.
One should never forget that the word discipline is derived from the biblical term disciple. In its original form discipline referred to systematic instruction given to disciples. When one approaches the concept of discipline as a learning opportunity, it changes the basic conceptual framework of discipline to be a futuristic endeavor. This is such a rich concept. I just wish all of us would step back when child misbehavior occurs and think about the opportunity the misbehavior presents to shape the child’s future well-being.
When a young boy hits his sister over a toy or a 3rd grade boy pushes his classmate out of line, there are three central questions that come to mind:
1. Has the expectation of peaceful decision-making been discussed, practiced and understood? (Expectations)
2. Does the child have good conflict management skills? (Social Skills)
3. How can this child be taught to regulate his thoughts and actions in a manner that will allow him to better control himself the next time? (Inner Discipline)
Discussing and practicing reasonable expectations is a very basic process, but it is often neglected in schools and homes. The teaching of social skills is frequently overlooked because adults often assume that their children have mastered basic skills when the opposite may be the case. Finally, the goal of teaching inner discipline should be at the top of the list when adults interact with children who have misbehaved. Maria Montessori described this best when she said:
We claim that an individual is disciplined when he is the master of himself and when he can, as a consequence, control himself when he must follow a rule of life.
One can easily see that a focus upon expectations, social skills and the development of inner discipline can be guideposts for the adult attempting to intervene with a child who has misbehaved. It is very possible that the teacher who intervened with the line pusher and his classmate would spend a fair amount of time discussing and practicing alternative ways to manage the line-up disagreement. In the end, the two children would be asked to choose and practice a strategy that would work best for them and meet the teacher’s expectation for peaceful and fair conflict resolutions. There is ample opportunity for each child to “learn a lesson” if the adult approaches the disciplinary situation as a teacher and not as a punisher.
Accountability for Behavior
When I was a high school basketball coach, I wanted our players to learn lessons from their mistakes in each game. What I did learn, unfortunately, was that lessons were better learned from mistakes when the mistakes caused us to lose the game. In other words, there was an accountability for our mistakes. This same form of logic applies to child misbehavior. Children are more likely to learn from misbehavior if they must face logical consequences for their poor decisions. Yes, the boy who pushed his classmate out of line may be destined to sincerely apologize to his friend, tell his teacher what he will do next time and line-up at the end of the line for a few days to avoid conflicts. This child will have learned a valuable lesson that will help him when he faces disagreements in his future.
Call for Action
This main purpose of this short blog is to remind teachers and parents that discipline interactions present teaching opportunities if we allow ourselves to focus upon childhood learning. Barbara Coloroso addressed this concept so well when she said:
If we parents accept that problems are an essential part of life’s challenges, rather than reacting to each problem as if something has gone wrong with a universe that is supposed to be perfect, we can demonstrate serenity and confidence in problem solving with our kids.”
The challenge to parents and teachers is to ask themselves whether they “added value” to a child’s life when they engaged in a disciplinary intervention. Did the child learn a skill, gain a different way of thinking about his/her behavior or simply better understand an expectation? Different strategies for “opening the child’s parachute” to learning will be discussed in future blogs.
コメント