On the first day of school in the fall of 2005, nearly $2000 was handed out to my school students as they played tag and slid down the slides of our playground. I was shocked when three second-graders brought me $150 in fifty-dollar bills somebody had gifted them on the swings. It turned out that an older student named Billie was distributing funds he had found in his mother's freezer to students. As the school principal, what was I to do about Billie's misbehavior?
This article aims to underscore the importance of exploring the purpose of a child's misbehavior as a starting point leading to positive behavior change. Billie's real-life scenario serves as a case study to explore the possible reasons underpinning the misbehavior of many children.
Children, like adults, misbehave for a variety of reasons that may include misunderstood expectations, greed, anger, impulsivity, inattention, forgetfulness, low esteem, and a long list of other factors that we have experienced in our lives. Most of these violations can be appropriately dealt with by initiating thoughtful discussions, applying reasonable consequences followed by the teaching/practicing of appropriate future behaviors. However, there are times when severe misbehavior or a pattern of unacceptable behavior by a child calls for more strenuous study and targeted responses by parents. For example, the parent and teachers of Billie recognized that discussions and playground clean-up would not be sufficient actions to prevent similar behaviors from occurring in the future.
After the mystery of the million-dollar playground was unraveled, my first thought was, "What was the purpose of Billie's behavior, and how can we, as a school team, respond to this misbehavior in a meaningful manner? Of course, this question was one I asked myself as a school principal, but it is also a question that many parents may wish to ask themselves as they grapple with the continuing misbehavior of their children. The answer(s) to the question of purpose may revolve around one crucial consideration- a child's needs and how the child responds to these needs.
I. Identifying the Needs of a Child
Why does a baby cry when she is hungry? The answer is, of course, that the baby is acting out because she has an unmet need for food. The baby does not understand this need; she just knows to cry when she feels hungry. This response to an unmet need is a human characteristic that allows us to survive as a species. But, unfortunately, this same characteristic can lead us into trouble as we move towards adulthood. The challenge we all face as human beings is recognizing our needs and appropriately responding to these needs. Let us hope that most adults would find more appropriate alternatives to crying when they are hungry.
Abraham Maslow (1987), considered the father of humanistic psychology, described four basic needs of all humans that must be satisfied if individuals are to become "self-actualized":
1. Physiological
2. Safety
3. Belonging and Love
4. Esteem
Maslow contended that individuals stymied by a lower level need that is unfulfilled might not learn and progress as human beings. These individuals often may engage in self-defeating behaviors. In other words, a hungry or scared child may not learn in school and is likely to exhibit behavior problems. For years, counselors and therapists have relied upon Maslow's Needs Theory as a tool to help understand the purpose of children's behavior. In the last few decades, many educators have preferred to follow a Needs Model championed by R. Dreikurs (1991) that emphasizes the following needs:
1. Attention
2. Power/Control
3. Avoidance/Escape
4. Revenge
Both Needs Models can be helpful to counselors, teachers, and parents trying to understand the purpose of a child's misbehavior. I am not married to either model, and I tend to refer to both models when trying to understand the purpose of a child's misbehavior. However, let us never forget that there may be more than one unfulfilled need driving behavior, as the following chart illustrates:
Misbehavior Unfulfilled Need
1. Constantly "bugging" parent attention, belonging
2. Challenging parents power, low esteem
3. Crying about chores avoidance
4. Joining a gang belonging, esteem
When a child's misbehavior is severe or has become a pattern, his parents must take the time to review the misconduct, focusing on discovering the reasons behind the behavior. The purpose of the behavior is often to satisfy an unmet need that drives the child to misbehave. Once the purpose of the behavior is established, parents can respond to the misconduct by addressing the child's need and exploring appropriate behaviors better suited to help the child fulfill his need.
2. Helping Children Change Their Course
A school team interviewed Billie and reviewed his daily behavior at school and home. It was the consensus of the group that Billie would do almost anything to have friends. His need to "belong" in our school far outweighed his desire to learn fractions. The team intervened by asking Billie to join a "friendship" group hosted by our counselor, convinced his parent to plan guided neighborhood friend visitations, and assigned Billie a sixth-grade mentor on the playground.
Once the school team and parent had identified the purpose of Billie's behavior, they immediately developed a plan to help Billie learn appropriate strategies to meet his need to belong. The goal of the intervention was to teach Billie the friendship tools he will need in the future to successfully understand and face his need for belonging. Their interventions would take time to implement because learning and practicing friendship skills is no easy task. Best of all, the plan would not cost Billie's mother any more freezer money.
Thoughtful parents can approach most serious behavior problems at home in the same fashion as school teams address misbehavior in school. Of course, it takes time to explore the purpose of a child's misbehavior. Still, this endeavor by parents can be very valuable for children and lead to long-term behavior interventions that provide children with the tools they need to change the course of their behavior. The short case study described below provides an example of a successful parent intervention when it was clear a child's need for "belonging" in a family went haywire:
Mary and Bill were very surprised when their ten-year-old son, Jim, began to get in trouble in school and became rebellious at home. Up until this year, Jim had been the perfect "pre-teen" in every way possible. When Mary and Bill attended a parent support group for their five-year-old Down's Syndrome child, Chad, they learned that other families raising children born with severe disabilities often experienced similar issues with siblings. After careful thought and some research, Mary and Bill realized that they were spending a great deal of time helping Chad adjust to kindergarten and spending much less time with Jim. After talking with Jim and observing the situation, it was clear that Jim's need for belonging and attention in the family was unfulfilled, leading to bad attention-getting behavior by Jim. The parents' response to this dilemma included a plan for each parent to spend more quality time with their oldest son in the future.
3. Summary
Parents struggling to help their children overcome significant behavior problems are encouraged to look at the child's needs as a means to explore the purpose of their child's behavior. Once this first step has occurred, parents will have an easier time designing behavioral strategies that can empower the child to change the course of his or her behavior. This approach worked for Billie and Jim, and it can work for other children as well.
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