On a recent holiday flight, I decided to actually to do something I usually fail to do: listen to the flight attendant when she gives the emergency directions. On this particular trip she warned parents to give themselves oxygen before they attempt to help their children in an emergency. My first thought about this direction was how difficult it would be to take care of yourself when your child needed desperate help, but then it occurred to me that this oxygen direction makes sense on an airplane and in life. The grim reality is that a parent low on oxygen probably would be ineffective putting an oxygen mask on a squirming child. The oxygen mask metaphor is so striking that I decided to use it as the driving force behind this article designed to remind parents and teachers to “give yourselves oxygen” or, simply said, take care of yourselves as you embark upon the daunting leadership task of educating children.
If taking care of ourselves is such an important rule of life for parents and teachers, how do we do this? I firmly believe that Stephen Covey in his book, the 7 habits of highly effective people (1989), addressed this challenge best when he used the metaphor of “sharpen the saw” to urge leaders in all fields to exercise all four dimensions of their human nature in order to better lead others. Covey believed that leaders who constantly renew themselves intellectually, spiritually, socio-emotionally and physically will have a better opportunity to effectively lead others because they are balanced in life and more capable of making wise decisions. In fact, Covey heralded this seventh habit of effective leaders by stating that, “It is the habit that makes all others possible.”
Call for Action
Parents and teachers who want to be the best educators for their children must take care of themselves. This process may mean reading a book, taking a walk or run, calling a friend, enjoying nature, playing a guitar, meditating, reading the Bible or taking a bubble bath. Whether one does this 30 minutes a day or 5 hours a week, it must be done. The common theme uniting these activities is the need for all of us to balance ourselves by paying attention to the four critical dimensions of our nature. We must give ourselves the “oxygen” we need to be the best parents and teachers of children we can be.
Sometimes the oxygen we need may come from others. When a teenager has a fender-bender and a parental restriction occurs, Facebook becomes “lit-up” with words of support from local teenage friends in the community. This support is almost spontaneous, and it is a powerful sedative for the distraught teenager. Often, the same level of support is not available to the parent who imposed the restriction. It is very important for parents concerned about their socio-emotional wellness to have an adult support group to lean upon when times are tough. My wife and I joined a Toughlove parenting group in the 1990’s when we recognized that we needed support and ideas from other parents facing similar challenges. In the end, these parents helped us to “sharpen our saw”. Social media platforms like Facebook will allow parents in the next decade to connect with one and other easily if they choose to take advantage of this opportunity.
Conclusion
The next time you are criticized for slipping away from the family to take a jog, let people know that you are doing this activity to renew yourself, but more important, let them know that you are doing this activity to promote the well-being of your children. Hopefully, your message will be understood. A good ending point for this article is a recommendation to develop a personal New Year’s Resolution to allow yourself the time you need each week to take care of your well-being. You will benefit from this exercise and so will the children you serve…. Good Luck.
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